Because bad taste is better than no taste at all.....

Thursday, June 26, 2014

#294: Heaven help me

Heaven help me, I think I'm turning....girly.

If you know me at all, you'll remember that I am most certainly female, and occasionally feminine. But girly? NEVER. It's a rare occasion when I'm in a skirt, or in makeup (you'll remember a few posts back, where I mentioned both in connection with a friend's wedding.). So what the hell am I thinking? No, not pink poofy tutus or anything like that. I'm not going to start giggling over boys (Hello? I turn 40 next January...) But maybe playing "dress up" once in a while'd be good for me. Looking "pretty" once in a while(although if you want to argue I am already, thanks anyway). I don't know if this is a condition of getting older, or whether I am honestly changing to suit the world (or maybe the world is changing to suit me, I don't know any more). I'll let you know how that turns out.... should I think of an occasion to play dress up that doesn't involve some sort of cosplay..... ;)

In other news, I've been writing different things. You'll find some of the snippets here.  I'm also putting together a story of sorts, but whether or not it will turn out to be worth a crap (or even be long enough to publish in a book of short stories), only time will tell. The people involved are in my head, and they will not go away. So this is the outlet, to keep me from sounding insane. Or more insane than I seem to be getting already. I'm not even sure what age group it'd be best for; it's a bit too dark for the young adult crowd but I'm not sure adults would want to read it, either. Get back to you on that one, too.

A couple of weeks ago, the Megs came for a visit. I figured getting to see her early on in the summer would mean I could focus on other stuff once it got really hot.  She'd got contact lenses but wasn't real sure about them yet, she still wore her glasses from time to time. Amusingly, I got her started on Sherlock, because it had "Bilbo Baggins and that creepy guy from that Star Trek movie" (her words). Afterwards, she admitted he wasn't THAT creepy. I guess he grows on you. Or she decided the "smart" outweighs the "weird" (she likes Dr. Who, too.....) *sniff* I'm so proud...My lil girl is growing up.....

So yeah, it's been an interesting couple of weeks. Stay tuned.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

#293: Black, white and blue.

So here I am, and it's Sunday afternoon. I'm dressed in a manner that the casual outside observer would best describe as "goofy", trying not to trip in sand. I'm wearing make-up for the first time since high school, and I've actually got a skirt on (something I don't do for just anyone...) There are people milling around me, similarly dressed, and some, as you can see, have kilts (Obviously, they are carrying off the look better than I am.). Off in the distance, there's two banks of folding chairs, each with a progamme and a little bottle of bubble stuff in the seat. Up front, there are a myriad assortment of people, standing in front of a home-built Tardis, complete with a little light on top that'll come on as soon as the sunlight fades. 

This has been in the planning stages for a while. It's a wedding--not my own, obviously. I never cared to be the center of attention, so you know this would be unlike me.  But here they are, in the photo above--the happy couple just after the fact. I wish them the happiest of days.

The bucketgarden™ is coming along nicely. The tomato plants I'd had to break down and buy at the Blue Store have really shot up, and they all have flowers on them now. Hopefully I'll get some tomatoes off them soon. The carrots have also sprouted, and I have some sort of pepper plants growing, although I won't know what kind till they actually start producing the peppers themselves (I stupidly didn't mark any of them when I planted them). I gave up on growing herbs in small pots, and just planted them in the big ones--they're actually sprouting now, although the sage still looks weird.  I have planted flowers in the small pots and planted flower seeds in other places. Hopefully things will be pretty in a couple of weeks.

I go grab the little one the first Saturday in June. Dent's birthday is a few days after that, so maybe we can plan something special for that day.

I'm in the process of separating the everyday out, and have started a new blog. This one will continue to be my "mundane" (sigh) blog. The other will be for the stuff I've been posting, when the wind and mood takes me. 

Sunday, May 11, 2014

#292: A giant can of worms.

..........You have no doubt heard that expression. Opening up a can of worms, as in bringing up a subject that would probably best not be brought up. But you do anyway. And so here goes. This has been building for quite some time. And you're likely to not want to speak to me, ever again.

So be it.

This needed to be said, and in a very public place.  Because others are, no doubt, thinking the same as I am. And they need to know they aren't alone, that others are thinking it too.

When I stumbled across your blog several years ago, I was overjoyed. We had lost track of one another for a while, and I always wondered what had happened to you. It was good to know you were doing ok. Absence making the heart grow fonder and all that crap.  But then I got to reading-REALLY reading--some of the stuff you post. And I've had to sit back and ask, "huh?" Some things here need clearification.

Mainly, about how your childhood was So. Fucking. Hard.

Obviously, I am missing something here. You must be leaving some stuff out. Yeah. That's it.

Were you abused as a child? Not that I can see. That sort of thing usually carries over, and when I stayed with you they left ME alone, at any rate.

Were you starved? Beaten? Made to live outside with the dogs?
No, no and no.

So what were you going on about? Oh yeah--you were WHINING about how your parents LIED about SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN FUCKING BORN. Something that DID NOT effect YOU in any way. Pardon me if I am not impressed. Because the decision involved was probably not an easy one--you do not just wake up one morning and decide to do this. Trust me--it is a long, slow PAINFUL process. *I HAVE BEEN THERE.* (yes, you read that last part correctly)

Okay, so I admit the news WOULD have been a bit hard to swallow this late in the game, would it not?. But it's like riding a bike. You get back on and keep moving. You certainly did. Or so I thought. But then I kept reading.

So what else went wrong with your life?

You didn't get to go see THAT movie on opening day.

................This brought a serious "WHAT THE EVER-LOVIN FUCK" from me. I got this mental image of a five year old throwing a TANTRUM because she didn't get the same Barbie doll as every one else. So you ended up doing something else on that day. Parents are like that--they might not "get" that something is that important to you, especially when you're little.  Funny, the Earth kept turning..... You DID eventually get to go see it, did you not?

Moving on.

Your most recent post was the kicker. You never got to tell a certain actor how much a particular movie meant to you. I can understand your sadness....It's often the little things that keep you from killing yourself. (I think if it hadn't of been for Tolkien's books, I'd of offed myself at 13...) But then you go on about how it "got you through a difficult time in your life".  This brings me back to the "you must not be telling us everything that went on" idea. So now I'm asking: WHAT??

So what went on that has you scarred for life? What terrible things went on that I apparently didn't see? You don't have to love your parents any more. But at least appreciate that you still have them around to be angry at.

Happy Fucking Mothers Day.

Feel free to reply, or email if it isn't for public consumption.

Scratch

Thursday, April 10, 2014

#291: arts and crafty

So it occurred to me that if I was going to attempt to grow more herbs this year, I'd damn well better mark them somehow. I also had an overabundance of paint, and 7 acres worth of rocks to choose from. .............So I got crafty the other day and started doodling. The thyme seems to be doing OK, but I can't seem to get the sage to grow past the seedling stage before they wilt--I don't know if I have a severe case of "damping off" going on in the pot, or maybe they just don't like the pod things I have them growing in. The oregano hasn't sprouted yet, neither has the lavender... we'll see how that turns out.

I also broke out the glue gun and started working on the costume for a friend's wedding coming up. If you're familiar with steampunk, you'll no doubt recognize the hat. Rather than going with the gears and airship thing, I went with a natural look instead. Hopefully I will be able to get the thing to stay in my hair.

At any rate, spring has come on apace and I have put the houseplants outside for the season. It still gets a bit chilly at night but as long as it stays above freezing they should be all right. The roses I'd planted in pots have started growing again, which is good, I was afraid the colder and wetter than usual winter had killed them.

I've also been continuing my "not emo but dark" phase--I write stuff. It's usually random stuff that pops in my head (The other day I typed "You are what you bleed", for instance). Still not sure what direction I'm supposed to go with this, open to comments (although I'll still have to approve them--too many whack jobs out there trying to post, who're wackier than I am....) Maybe I'll use the shorter ones as post titles.

....................Sometimes you have to forget who you are. Only then will you remember how to feel.

Scratch

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

#290: Brain-Itch, at 3 a.m.

I had a brain-itch early this morning. I obviously need to keep paper and pen by the bed, so that when the cogs in my mind get jammed, I will sound less the idiot and more the poet. And I may even be able to get back to sleep.

You tend to think things like this, when your life runs as mine does: backwards and upside down and sideways. Askew. But the creek runs clear for those that need a drink; you either see it or you don't.

Sometimes, the Dark is all you have left.

Madness? I wish. Perhaps if I heard the voices, it would explain the laughter. Or at least the joke. I believe Poe had it right: Sanity is, at best, overrated. Boring. Dull. There is a fine line between genius and insanity. Fortunately, I know I am not a genius.

But insane? Un-sane. Perhaps.

I am at times a walking contradiction. There is a certain dark joy to me here lately. Or a joyful darkness, I am not sure which. I do not know if it is the weather, or hormones, or merely a shift. It is frightening and exhilarating all the once. Where am I going?

I need a sign-post. Or at least, a map.

Thoughts?