Because bad taste is better than no taste at all.....

Friday, January 30, 2015

#305: Oops, I forgot to get (re)married

So Dent and myself have been a pair for a few years now, and now the questions have started.

From other people. You know the questions I mean.

".............So, when you two getting married?"
"We're not?"
"Why not?"
"Why would we?"

People assume we are married, when they meet us. And act all shocked when I tell them that we are not.  As "open" as society likes to think itself to be, it still thinks along the same channels sometimes. But I tried that once. I tried being the housewifey at home with the rugrat holding onto the apron. Hated it.  Yes. I know one bad marriage shouldn't spoil the whole marriage barrel.  I am really trying to think of the other person here. Wouldn't be fair to them should they be "tied" to me. 

Because I can't commit to myself, much less to anyone else.

That's not to say I'd never get married again--but the "feeling" has to be there. Has to be right. And while I love Dent to death almost, couldn't imagine my life without him, there is a growing feeling that, at the end of the day, we might not be the best for each other. We are at different stages in our lives--mine involves checking out a map, to see where I need to go.  And his apparently means "been there, done that, got the tee shirt". 

Something, someone else in my life I may have to let go. Maybe. 

It's going to be a painful next three years, if I am right. Hope I am not.

Stay tuned.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

#304: Letting Go

So the other day I sent off a package to someone I had only met once. It was some books that had just been gathering dust on a bookshelf, and I figured she'd be getting more use out of them than I had lately.

This is a totally new thing for me, to be giving away books. Some folks would see this as a red flag or a warning sign. But, it fits in somewhat of the plan.... Because part of the next three and a half years is going to be letting go. Letting go of things I don't need, and people I don't need, and memories I don't need. Some of the letting go is going to be painful; I have accepted this, although I doubt I will be ready for it when the time comes. Because whether I move or not, there is going to be a lot of things that I will have to let go, before I can move on with the next stage of my life.

Probably one of my more difficult decisions will be whether Dent is part of the equation. As much as I'd like it to be, he isn't helping his case any, and I don't see it happening. I admit, I haven't got much done on my own list. But at least I am formulating a plan. Or trying to. Dent still hasn't cleaned up under the car port. "I need to move the lawn mower first" he says. Funny, when I cleaned under there it didn't require me to move the mower. More excuses. Yet I have noticed it's futile bringing it up again; it still won't get done, and then I feel like I am nagging. Babysitting once again. Also, he is still talking about saving up to buy this or that. What are you going to do with it if you come with me?

Another problem is letting the landparents in on the plan. As much as they appreciate having me for a tenant (and I do appreciate having THEM), this wasn't intended to be permanent. I have hinted there will be a change in 2018, but apparently it was too subtle a hint; telling them "we don't need any thing for Christmas" (I E I'm trying to reduce the amount of stuff we have, we have too much) fell on deaf ears. So telling them WHY we don't need anything would no doubt hurt their feelings--something you don't want to do to people you pay rent to. Another challenge. You see I have my work cut out for me--because they are the sweetest people I know, and even if I didn't  know them like I do, they're like a second set of parents. You just don't hurt people like that. Yet I will somehow have to figure out how to let them go.
And the time is ticking.

Stay tuned.

Friday, January 16, 2015

#303: 40

The big day dawned. I guess it dawned; it was tough to tell through the clouds and rain. I spent the day cleaning house, and then stepped out to get Louis some oyster crackers... for some reason he insisted he needed some for some fish stew he'd be making later. I drove all over town, looking for the darn things. After finding them, I made my way back home to find this waiting for me. The dang Lobster'd made me a chocolate cake. "I didn't have any candles," he told me, "and I don't think Lobsters can count that high" (gee, thanks--good thing he was teasing). At any rate, my birthday came and went, and I don't feel any older. Or younger. Or different, really. I guess you don't really notice the changes from day to day. 

I also tried something yesterday I hadn't done in a while. I took a bubble bath. We have this oversized garden tub in our bathroom. I rarely use it. My daughter, I think, has used it more times when she visits, than I have. I always feel guilty using it (it takes SO much water to fill it up). It was nice, I guess, if you like that kind of thing. I always find cleaning myself up a utilitarian kind of thing, a jump-in-the-shower and then just as fast get out again. 

Today was bright and clear and almost warm, so I managed to get some outside stuff done. I cleaned under the shade house (Dent's crap was everywhere... it isn't bad enough it takes up the car port.... but the shade house, too?) Dent assured me this weekend would be spent cleaning out from under the car port. I will believe it when I see it. This from a man who can never find any of his tools, cause he never put it back where he found it last time. This is a man thing, I guess. But at least you can sit at the picnic table now without sitting on bits of tin and old rusty bolts from the old sluice he was working on.

 The weather today made me itch for spring to come. I need to decide what, if anything, to plant in those buckets this year. It was a bit much to keep up with last year, I simply didn't have the energy to keep up with it. So maybe just a couple of tomato plants (store bought this time), and the usual run of hot peppers. My herb buckets should come back (with the exception of the basil, it's an annual and needs to be planted every year) , and there's some stuff in buckets that I will probably plant out in the yard somewhere, as they're getting too big for the pots they're in and really weren't meant to be in a pot to start with.

Stay tuned.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

#302: Motives

A couple of weeks ago, someone at work asked me a question: "What motivates you?"

I actually had to think on this, and even after a few minutes, I had trouble thinking of anything. I could honestly say my daughter was the reason I got out of bed in the morning, but other than that, I really didn't have much in the way of motivation to speak of. I think if I did, I'd be doing something else other than flipping burgers after all this time. I have a few vague ideas on where I'd like my life to go, but no real drive to get there. Part of this is my fault; I used to be the "get up and go" kind of person...and somewhere along the line I decided to get kinda lazy. But the blame can't be placed entirely at my own feet.

Part of having a relationship is having another person who will be there to help support you--not necessarily financially, but mentally. To give you that final push, that "c'mon, you can do this" attitude. Unfortunately, here lately I have felt not so much encouragement as I'm a babysitter--I can't get my own shit done because someone else has to be told what to do, first. Multiple times. And even then it isn't done, not entirely. And what is finished has been padded with excuses.

I have been slowly nudging my S.O. towards being able to take care of himself without my having to hold his hand. Yet time and again I come home to an open can of soup sitting on the stove. With a spoon still sticking out of it. Because rather than heating it up, he chose to eat it straight out of the can. This isn't much of an improvement from when I first met him, when his "dinner" consisted of Little Debbie snack cakes, potato chips, and Sun Drop, with the occasional use of the oven.

...........Is it any wonder I have little motivation going on?

Obviously, if it's motivation I want, I'll have to find another source--cause I'm sure not getting it here at home.

I found some of it a few minutes ago, when I logged on to the Blogger site. Because this blog has apparently hit the 10000 pageview mark--Thanks!--and I am hopeful this is just the beginning.

Stay tuned.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

#301: Fast-food etiquette

So you're watching the television, and on comes a commercial for your favorite fast food joint. "Damn, that looks good," you're thinking. But before you burst out the door, appetite in hand, there are a few things you should probably know to make your burger experience more enjoyable--for you and for the folks who're there to serve you. May I present the following, some fast-food etiquette:

  1. The Drive-Thru: The purpose of the fast food drive thru window is to provide quick, efficient service, not only to you, but to the little old lady behind you, and the minivan full of kids behind her. Also, we are on a timer--and *we* get yelled at if *you* take too long to order.  Please be considerate. Do not sit at the speaker for 4 minutes before deciding you only want a small Diet Coke today. And for the love of God, do not spend the next 3 minutes saying, "Uh" or "Um." No fast food restaurant that I have ever seen has anything remotely resembling these things on the menu. If it is THAT difficult to decide between the onion rings or the french fries, park your damn car and COME INSIDE.

  2. Speak up!  Maybe our headsets are old. Maybe the person wearing the headset is hard of hearing (the volume only goes up so far). Maybe you don't talk very loud. At any rate, if we ask you to repeat yourself, this is so we can get a clearer understanding of what the hell you want. This is so--surprise! We can get your order CORRECT THE FIRST TIME. Also, please avoid ordering with your window up (if it doesn't roll down, open your door. It's ok. Really.) Or ordering from the back seat and/or passenger side of the car. Or ordering while drunk--we have no clue what the hell "larsh beeg mark an frees" is. Bonus points: If you drive a loud-ass diesel truck or like having your stereo turned way up, TURN IT THE HELL OFF BEFORE YOU START ORDERING.

3.  Yes, we CAN hear you--the opposite is that, from the time you pull up and hear the greeting come out of that speaker, to the time you finish ordering and pull up to the window, we *can* hear what is going on inside of your car. So whether you are screaming at your children, or on the phone with someone, We. Can. Hear. You. Remember when you called your boyfriend while you were out there and said, "What do you want??? I'm at fucking Burger King!!" We heard that. In fact the whole store did. Or when you thought you'd be cute and make a snide remark about the person taking your order? We heard that, too. Be sure to check your food before you take a bite.

4. We love large orders. Honestly. It makes us happy to know not only you chose our restaurant, but that you chose to feed your entire family.  But before you decide to order 14 roast beef sandwiches, 12 large curly fries and 10 small chocolate shakes, there's this awesome old-school technology called a 'telephone' . Call and let us know you're coming, and we can have it ready (or at least be working on it) .This goes doubly for items that are cooked-to-order (no mayo, on bottom buns, etc) This reduces the time *you* have to wait, and keeps the people behind you from being pissed off at *us* because *they* had to sit in line 20 minutes.  (see item #1!) If for some reason you can't call us, at least park the car and come in to order. Have a seat and relax while we do the cooking. :)

5. PLEASE don't get cute--when we ask "can we get you anything else?", the reply of  "A million dollars!" is not funny. We hear this all day. Literally. Also, I am SURE your 4 year old is ADORABLE. But PLEASE stop letting her order. That high-pitched squeal is too much for the poor person taking the order, especially at the end of the day, and ESPECIALLY after having to deal with the joker in front of you, who was the latest to request a large sum of money. Also, the voice that greets you outside at the speaker may be a different person from the one who is actually taking your order. (it may be standardized, a pre-recorded voice)  So having to hear, "woah, your voice changed!" 50 times a day isn't funny, either. Another phrase to avoid: "You mean it isn't free?" No. Quit asking.

6.  Move it or lose it. No, the time isn't AS important when you come in.... If you need a few minutes to check out what we have, or you're waiting on grandpa to come out from the loo before you order, that's fine.... but if there are people behind you in line who DO know what they want, step aside and let them order. This is common courtesy, and scores brownie points with the cashier, who can then do HER job.

7. We do not set the prices or the menu. Let me repeat this.  WE DO NOT SET THE PRICES OR THE MENU. Do not complain about how it costs too much for a hamburger, or that the nuggets were cheaper last time. Or that something that was previously on sale isn't any longer (or that we don't have the item in question...) We have no control over this. Next time you see that commercial, pay attention at the end: chances are you'll hear or see the following: "limited time offer" "Prices and participation may vary" It's in the print ads, too, the tiny print down at the bottom of the ad. It's there for a reason, bub. And if you ask about the specials, be sure to listen carefully; they may periodically change and therefore, be different from the last time you paid us a visit.

8.  Let's not get personal. Some employees are chatty, sociable and all around fun to hang with. Others just want to be left the hell alone while they're taking a break. Unless you know them personally, or they have otherwise offered up the information, do NOT ask about their family, children, what car they drive, who they're seeing, etc. Because quite frankly, it's none of your damn business. It's part of our job to be friendly. Friendly does not, however, equate with familiarity. Last time I checked, the name of the store wasn't "McDate".

9. "My order was wrong".  Yes. This happens. Know why? BECAUSE THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE COUNTER ARE HUMAN FREAKIN BEINGS. Know what else? WE ARE PREFECTLY HAPPY WITH FIXING THE PROBLEM. Just tell us what the hell you want us to do--don't spend 20 minutes telling us how disappointed your grandma was her Whopper didn't have tomato on it, or that you "don't understand" why your tater tots are cold (hint: you let your tray sit on the counter because you were too busy jawing on your phone to come pick up your food) . We "aim to please", but we are not mind readers. Just tell us how you want us to resolve the problem, and let us resolve it.

10. Don't assume. Somewhat related to the above post--yes, some of us have problems. The cook may have a drug problem, and maybe the person sweeping out in the lobby is struggling with only a GED for education. But the cashier may have a college education (perhaps is in between jobs), and the manager might actually be working his way through college. Don't form judgements based solely on the uniform. We are thinking, breathing human beings, and quite frankly, if you just passed us on the street out-of uniform you'd be none the wiser that this woman is struggling to keep her food stamps (fast food rarely pays enough, yet it's often "too much" to qualify for assistance), or that that man is trying to keep life as normal as possible while his messy divorce is going on at home. We're not robots--or dogs (or children). We're certainly not stupid. We'd appreciate it if you didn't treat us as such.

Thank you for taking the time to read this long-winded (typed?) list. I hope to see you all come in at some point or other and that you let us serve you--after all, you're the reason we're here.

--Scratch (who likes to say, "The customer is always right, but not necessarily always SMART....")  ;)