Wednesday night, we had a conversation, Dent and I, around the dinner table.
This past couple of weeks have been, to put it mildly, confusing--there are dreams I don't know how to interpet, and names and places keep appearing in unexpected places. I am feeling the pull, finally, and I don't understand why it is pulling me in the way that it is.
"So what's going to happen when you finish school, if you have to go in the opposite direction that I want to go?" I asked. "Will you be ok?"
Dent looked at me. "Do I have a choice?" he asked.
Well, yes, you do. I thought. You could fall apart, which is what I suspect you'd do if I left right now.....
"Brenda'd [the landlady] would be worried about me," he said then.
"Well, yes. She'd be thinking the same thing as I do--if I died tomorrow, you'd be SO screwed."
"I would not. There's always Taco Bell. And canned soup."
That wasn't what I meant, but ok.
"The only thing I have to work on is making sure I get up on time in the morning. For the most part, I've managed to do that. Hell, my family would never believe you got me trained to hear the alarm clock. Before I met you, other people had to wake me up because I wasn't hearing it!"
"That's because I put it on the other side of the room. When you physically have to get up to turn it off, your brain 'learns' to hear it when it goes off. "
We munched our dinner in silence then.
"What would you do if I'm ready to leave before you are?" he asked me later that evening.
I had to think a moment. Because I couldn't really see that happening. And I wanted to be tactful. "It would be hard, but I'd get by, as long as you were where you needed to be....." and then that got me thinking.
I've always been of the opinion that things happen for a reason. There was a reason that I "found" Dent 10 years after bumping into him at a SCA event. It could be my purpose was to help him get where he needed to be. Because quite frankly, he did not need to be in the house I found him in. That he'd lived in for those 10 years. Dead end job, barely making it in in the mornings.
It could be the direction I'm being pulled in is to help me get where I need to be.
Unfortunately, I've never been good at interpreting signs, so I am, as usual, unsure that what I'm seeing is what is really there.
It's sort of like when you're driving someplace new, and you think you maybe might kind of know where you may end up but you'll never be sure till you pull up at your final destination. Because the map you're using was printed up 5 years ago and you were too cheap to buy another one, and nothing looks like you'd think it is supposed to.
Too bad there isn't a place where I can stop n' ask directions......
Starting to feel the "pull". And it's scaring the hell out of me.