Wednesday, October 21, 2015
#328: What am I thinking?
Another raccoon attribute seems to be that we seem to get into things that maybe aren't so good for us. Well, I have gotten into something that would make many raise their eyebrows and ask what I am thinking?
An interesting statement, that. "What were you thinking?" is something you ask when it was a bad idea, and you're trying to comprehend what made the person do it. Usually the reply is something to the effect, "Well, I guess I wasn't thinking at all..." but you know that is a lie--they had to have been thinking something.
In my case, I perhaps thought it was a good idea at the time? Me, who has always boasted about common sense, and all that.... But not showing much at the present time.
It seems like all the interesting times in my life have been when the weirdness enters. I seem to remember wishing the weirdness to return, and it appears to be. But not necessarily for the right reasons. But this weirdness is a delicious feeling, compared to the last few weeks. It is very difficult to stop. And I don't know, honestly, which direction it will go, if indeed it will go any where at all.
Sadly, this isn't the first time I have done this. The last time did not end so well; you'd think I would have learned my lesson.... But this... this just FEELS different. Even though I know it cannot end any better than the first time I tried it... I am hearing all the right things, and know enough to not take it too seriously...as much as I'd like to... it is difficult to not get hooked on. It's like an addiction you're standing on the edge of. You know better, yet why not?
I'm seeing the chance to change me, to be what I want to be emotionally, yet it might not be so good for others involved. So I am torn--To me, or not to me?