So the other day I sent off a package to someone I had only met once. It was some books that had just been gathering dust on a bookshelf, and I figured she'd be getting more use out of them than I had lately.
This is a totally new thing for me, to be giving away books. Some folks would see this as a red flag or a warning sign. But, it fits in somewhat of the plan.... Because part of the next three and a half years is going to be letting go. Letting go of things I don't need, and people I don't need, and memories I don't need. Some of the letting go is going to be painful; I have accepted this, although I doubt I will be ready for it when the time comes. Because whether I move or not, there is going to be a lot of things that I will have to let go, before I can move on with the next stage of my life.
Probably one of my more difficult decisions will be whether Dent is part of the equation. As much as I'd like it to be, he isn't helping his case any, and I don't see it happening. I admit, I haven't got much done on my own list. But at least I am formulating a plan. Or trying to. Dent still hasn't cleaned up under the car port. "I need to move the lawn mower first" he says. Funny, when I cleaned under there it didn't require me to move the mower. More excuses. Yet I have noticed it's futile bringing it up again; it still won't get done, and then I feel like I am nagging. Babysitting once again. Also, he is still talking about saving up to buy this or that. What are you going to do with it if you come with me?
Another problem is letting the landparents in on the plan. As much as they appreciate having me for a tenant (and I do appreciate having THEM), this wasn't intended to be permanent. I have hinted there will be a change in 2018, but apparently it was too subtle a hint; telling them "we don't need any thing for Christmas" (I E I'm trying to reduce the amount of stuff we have, we have too much) fell on deaf ears. So telling them WHY we don't need anything would no doubt hurt their feelings--something you don't want to do to people you pay rent to. Another challenge. You see I have my work cut out for me--because they are the sweetest people I know, and even if I didn't know them like I do, they're like a second set of parents. You just don't hurt people like that. Yet I will somehow have to figure out how to let them go.
And the time is ticking.