A couple of weeks ago, someone at work asked me a question: "What motivates you?"
I actually had to think on this, and even after a few minutes, I had trouble thinking of anything. I could honestly say my daughter was the reason I got out of bed in the morning, but other than that, I really didn't have much in the way of motivation to speak of. I think if I did, I'd be doing something else other than flipping burgers after all this time. I have a few vague ideas on where I'd like my life to go, but no real drive to get there. Part of this is my fault; I used to be the "get up and go" kind of person...and somewhere along the line I decided to get kinda lazy. But the blame can't be placed entirely at my own feet.
Part of having a relationship is having another person who will be there to help support you--not necessarily financially, but mentally. To give you that final push, that "c'mon, you can do this" attitude. Unfortunately, here lately I have felt not so much encouragement as I'm a babysitter--I can't get my own shit done because someone else has to be told what to do, first. Multiple times. And even then it isn't done, not entirely. And what is finished has been padded with excuses.
I have been slowly nudging my S.O. towards being able to take care of himself without my having to hold his hand. Yet time and again I come home to an open can of soup sitting on the stove. With a spoon still sticking out of it. Because rather than heating it up, he chose to eat it straight out of the can. This isn't much of an improvement from when I first met him, when his "dinner" consisted of Little Debbie snack cakes, potato chips, and Sun Drop, with the occasional use of the oven.
...........Is it any wonder I have little motivation going on?
Obviously, if it's motivation I want, I'll have to find another source--cause I'm sure not getting it here at home.
I found some of it a few minutes ago, when I logged on to the Blogger site. Because this blog has apparently hit the 10000 pageview mark--Thanks!--and I am hopeful this is just the beginning.