And now, it's time for another episode of "WTF Theatre". Today, we're joining our pals at the Havener Orm Raily House for retired mascots. Here at HOR House, we take retired advertising icons, who are reaching their golden years, and instill them with a sense of dignity..... Or at least get them out of the general population..... Today we're here to interview Mr. Basil Baker, who worked for years as the "Cinnamon Toast Crunch" mascot. He resides in the cereal wing at the HOR House.
Mister Baker: It's good to be on TV again.
Interviewer: And how are you doing today?
Mister Baker: I'm good, no troubles today.
MB: Yeah, sometimes the other folks here act up a bit.
I: It's hard to imagine folks acting up here. Can you give us some examples?
MB: Well, just look over there. See that fellow over there in the corner?
I: It appears to be Mr. Jay, who did the "Coco Puffs" commercials.
MB: You got it. Well, you remember how "Coo-coo" he got on the commercials? That was how he was. All. The. Time. Turns out he was on crack the entire time, and put it in the cereal he ate during taping of the commercials.
I: My word! Makes Robin Williams' cocaine binges appear small by comparison.
MB: Yeah. Well, all that bad stuff made him permanently crazy. They shipped him here and the nurses haven't been able to do anything with him. They're considering dosing him up with ADD meds to calm him down.
I: That's awful. Is that why they have him in a straitjacket?
MB: That's it. Not a moment too soon, if you ask me. And there's other folks who shouldn't even be here.
I: Like who?
MB: Well. I don't like to spread gossip...but after the whole "Tony the Tiger" pedophile sting.....
...............And that's all the time we have this interview. Tune in next time, when we find out what Tony the Tiger, the Campbell Soup Kids, and Ronald McDonald have in common....on the next episode of "WTF Theatre".
(legal schtuff: characters property of their respective companies. This was intended for fun, and I'm not selling anything. Except maybe my soul. I can't sell my heart; I don't have one.)