Because bad taste is better than no taste at all.....

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

#205: Not a Harlequin Romance

Back when I lived with my aunt, I came across some old Harlequin romance novels. Being at the stage where I would read literally anything, I took a peek. And was not terribly impressed. Even at 13, I was smart enough to know love never happened in that way, where the dude insults the girl all the way through and then at the end decides he likes her, all while speaking in an oh-so-sensual Scottish accent. While in the middle of some exotic locale. Kinda reminds me of middle school, minus the whole "I talk like this because I wear a plaid skirt" talk. But I digress.

Apparently, the folks out at Harlequin are starved for attention ideas. They've posted on their web site, aptly titled "So you think you can write!", that they're looking for writers.

Now, I'm not going to bash the romance industry--it's a gazillion dollar a year biz. But really, what does one think of when one thinks the term "romance novels"? Unfortunately, what comes to my mind are the fat, lonely old biddies who don't "get any" on a regular basis, and so it's sit at home on a Saturday night reading books and fantasizing about "what could have been".

Don't get me wrong. Before you get all insulted, I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who have a healthy sex life, who read these things. Of course, if it's really "all that", do you really need a fantasy man hiding in between the covers of a paperback book? I certainly don't. But to each their own, I guess.

My love life would certainly not have set the literary world on fire. I met my current man just before the previous one proposed to me.....at a function where people wear kilts and speak with hokey accents...wait...

Hmm. So what would I write?

"...Her eyes were the color of a spring rain, after it has run its course through the local sewer...Falling softly through the here and now, amongst the dog droppings planted on a suburban lawn..."


No, Harlequin....you do not want me writing books for you.

But maybe some day...one day... I will start reading romance novels again....

Aye,
Scratch