Because bad taste is better than no taste at all.....

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

"...She's a BRAINIAC, BRAINIAC on tha floor....and she's thinking like she's never thunk befooooreee..."

I'm a little out of sorts this afternoon.

No, I don't feel sick, just a little unsettled. It all began when I opened up the mailbox this afternoon and found a letter from the college. I sat in the drive and opened it. "This better not be a goddamn bill," I thought, "Or I'm gonna kill me someone from the financial aid office!" Fortunately, the paperwork pushers at CVCC get a reprieve. At least for today.

"Dear Student," The letter began.

".........It is my pleasure and privilege to inform you that you outstanding academic record makes you eligible for membership in Phi Theta Kappa, the International Honor Society for two year colleges.............."

I skipped a few lines.

"....... Once you have completed the online membership application, you may pay the membership fee with any major credit or debit card. There are alternative payment methods available as well. Eligible students oin online and pay a one time membership of $60.00. There are no yearly dues....."

Now, before you start cheering at what an honor it must be, to be nominated for a greek lettered honor club, there's a few things you, the reader, must understand.

1. Do I want to spend $60 I don't really have to give away, to belong with a group that can't be bothered to look at who they're nominating (While I consider myself a "student", that isn't my name.)

2. I have a fairly good GPA, yes. This is because all my classes (with the exception of the math class, which I had to withdraw from and will have to re-take) are EASY. No, I'm not saying that because I'm smart. I mean easy, the instructors give you every opportunity to make an A. All you gotta do is pay attention.  No excuses. I think I'd feel a complete fraud if I joined a club that tells you how smart you are, when all my classes consist of growing houseplants and being able to follow directions on a pesticide label.

3. After this semester, I have only a couple more classes to go. Where were you people when I started?

4. Most important: What's in this for me? Yeah, I know. Sounds harsh, but for that $60 I better be getting something. Yeah, I know they give work references (which I can get from school.). Do they help with tutoring? Wait, I can get *that* at school, too. And not have to pay any $60 for it. Oooo.. but I am "allowed" to wear stuff with their logo. Yippee. I'll let you know when that excites me enough to jump up and down.

So what do you folks think? Do I want to join a pretentious, stuffy "brains" club (even though I don't feel smart at all) filled with folks from MIT and Harvard? The folks on their site look happy, hip and popular....but we all know the majority probably resemble Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.

Don't laugh.
You know I'm right.



  1. I wouldn't join any so called highfalutin club that would have me as a member. I can't stand assholes like that anyway.

  2. It's kind of hard not to laugh,you are that funny.
    Well if I ever got a scholarship like that i would leap with joy,atleast someone thought i had brains. but then again your points are pretty reasonable, so unless you want a geeky t-shirt with a logo i guess drop out of this club for intelligent smarty pants..lest you become sheldonish..we don't need more one is enough..mercy on humanity after all..
    good luck figuring to geek or not to geek..
    anyways that was lame...take care..
    oh and i enjoy reading your blog sorry for lack of comments...

  3. Dear Student

    Please do not skip any part of our mass produced, highly personalised, letters. It has taken Arthur the chimp (who is also Vice-President of Phi Theta Kappa)up until this part of the term to xerox all of the documents.

    I have you know that it takes, ooohh, several minutes to decide which names to take out othe Alumni book, and it was by sheer happystance that yours was included as we had heard that you were easy(along with ALL of the student here at campus.

    The $60 we fleece from you, oops request, is merely an incidental expense to ensure that Arthur is fed for the next academnic term. Take pity on the poor lad. It may be peanuts to him (and to us) but it's your hardearned money that we crave.

    Lastly, the invitation is merely to help you fully integrate yourself with other like deviants and it also helps those of us salaried attendees here, to identify at a distance,those suckers who we rather not wish to be seen dead with.

    I thank you for your time, and if we never hear from you again (after receiving the £60 kiss-off payment) then it will be a blessing.

    Yours reluctantly

    Principal Jefferies


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