Do me a favor. Go up to the top of the page and click on the "Next Blog>>" tab. See what comes up. Then click it again. And again. It gets addictive after a while. I've met several friends this way, and found stuff that made me laugh (or cry). I'm also amused at the amount of "this blog is not here" and "This blog is private" links I come across. Then I gotta click on the back button, to find the next again. But very few of these pages have I really an interest in. 80%, it seems, are in another language (Hello to you bloggers from Asia and Spanish-speaking countries!) A lot seem to have some sort of religious significance to them, or they're about their darling ones at home. Sadly, very little of all this appeals to me..... very few of these people are like me...they are ordinary, every-day sort of folks, and nothing wrong with that. Still.... we're back to the "where do I belong?" question that troubles us all at one point or other. I am not them, nor will I ever be. I don't care a whit about the "Twilight" crap, or whatever the current fad is.
Speaking (or typing, at any rate) as one who "does not play well with others", I nonetheless have a bit of a conflict that I am, for the most part, alone in this world. Now, I'm not going to wax philosophical on you all. It's too close to the holiday season. But I think this is how a lot of those depressed people find the idea to finally pull the trigger..... It's easy to get pulled into the lure that is "end it all". No, I'm not planning on doing this. I enjoy annoying people a little too much, and removing myself from the equation would make the lives of you, my readers, WAAAAYYY too easy. I'm just sayin'.
At the moment, I am sitting in the computer lab at school, pondering why am I still here? My one day class is, more or less, over with. The other class I have today isn't till this evening, and I have a feeling I'm not going to pass it anyway (one of those math teachers where it doesn't matter if you got the idea, if you don't write the problem THEIR way, it's WRONG WRONG WRONG)
It's time to ponder, my friends. What have I done this year? What did I not get done? What do I need to do?
More importantly, why should I care?
Ok, ok, that was a bit much. Forget I said that.
So here's some random thoughts, from one who took an INCREDIBLY long time to get to them.
---Math class aside, I'm almost done with classes. As one of the few things I have managed to "stick with", so to speak, I am a bit....anxious. OK, scared shitless. It's scary being a grown-up. (As Dent would say, "THANK YOU, Captain Obvious!") Will I get where I need to be? Or will I be asking you all if you still want the fries with the combo? (Speaking of which, Weasel, you got a micky d's in the wallyworld where you work? The one here has.....Transformer happy meal toys...stay tuned....)
---The past events this year have left me, in a word, bemused. Or would somewhat numb be a better description? I have suffered extremes of boredom, because I either had nothing better to do, or couldn't go find something else to do... I have had extreme sadness... even a little pain here and there. There are things I cannot even share with you, my adoring (?) public. And all with the underlying worry that somewhere, somehow, I'm gonna screw it up. I always do. The feeling that, somehow, I have failed in some form or fashion. Vague, I know. That's me. You know, if I could count "extreme boredom" as a sport, I'd be getting a gold medal.
---I don't know if I'm ready for the year to end, or if I want to stretch it out just a little bit more, to try and improve what needed improving, and savor what needs savoring. I can't even remember what the heck my new years resolution was last year, for chrissakes. So I couldn't tell you if I kept it, or if I'd be making the same one this year. Fuck resolutions. I resolve not to make a resolution this year, how's that?
---As the little nerdy kid over in the recliner wakes up and goes out to meet mommy (Yes, the computer lab has a recliner--and yes we have a little nerdy kid who still lives with mommy even though he's 20 and can't stand her--can we say Norman Bates??) I ponder who is more pathetic--the little nerdy kid who can't bear to tell his mommy he's a man now, or me--hanging out alone in a computer lab pondering blowing off that math class. Since I'm not passing it anyhow.
---Let's play the "how awkward can we make the ex and wife feel while picking up the daughter" game. Dent will be with me this time, picking her up, and when Dent comes along times are certainly interesting.
---Do I want to develop an attention span again and watch stuff? Imagine.
>blaring of Ben Hur<
Not a pretty thought. No, I think the attention span will have to wait.
At any rate, some encouragement would be helpful here. Or at least comments, so I know I have more than one person reading this thing.
3:20 PM EST....and still a little over 2 hours till that class.