Because bad taste is better than no taste at all.....

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

QUIT SCREWING UP MY CHILDHOOD!!!!

As I sit and pore endlessly through photographs of various trees that I need for a project, I ponder also. I ponder where it all went wrong..... My childhood, what there was of it to remember, is being slowly but surely destroyed.

Now, let me be the first to state that yes, change happens. And yes, change can be a good thing. But when you take something that was pretty good 30 years ago, take the cuteness and butcher it to the point of being nonsensical, and then re-release the crap....well........... it just makes me want to throw up. I will give you a prime example. Two words: CARE BEARS.

Care Bears started as a greeting card line from Hallmark. They were created by a company calling itself "Those Charactors From Cleveland, Inc." These critters were cute, so naturally a Saturday morning cartoon followed. This was pushing it a little, but all right. I admit I watched the cartoon. I loved it when the "Care Bear Cousins" were introduced (YEAH! Bright Heart Raccoon! I still have mine.). They came and went, and apart from the folks who collected the things, they pretty much faded into the fad that they were.

Some folks may have noticed that the Care Bears were re-released a few years ago. This was ok; the nostalgia value was pretty good, kinda like beanie babies. But then.... they RE-re-released them. And this time they looked... I'm sorry, I have to say it... RETARDED. CUTESY, VAPID, AND OVERLY SWEET.

Unfortunately, it did not stop with the Care Bears. Anyone remember what Strawberry Shortcake USED to look like? Certainly not like the giggly Britney-Spearsish dolls you buy now. Why the hell did we change something that was pretty cool to start with?? I'm sorry, her head wasn't THAT much bigger than her body. And what happened to the Purple Pieman? Are we not allowed any villains any more? I also seem to remember Blueberry Muffin as being a *boy* (I could be wrong, could have been a tomboyish girl)

The kicker, the one that broke my heart: Holly Hobbie. Holly Hobbie, for those who don't know, was yet another greeting card character. You could buy little rag dolls, and cards, and stuff like that. She was a little pioneer girl (patchwork dress, bonnet and all!). You also didn't see her face. It was, after all, supposed to be a rag doll.

I almost cried when I found the *new* Holly Hobbie. Blue Jeans? Peasant blouse? WTF? And you see her face. Double WTF? Why take the name if you're not being true to the character? I note those did not last long; parents got disgusted at the change, and the kids decided Littlest Pet Shop (which is also not what it used to be) was better.

I'm guessing the company that put this stuff out originally REALLY needed money. But wait. This is only the beginning of a disturbing trend. They've taken it to the next level. Next year, you will see something even more disturbing and frightening than this. Coming soon, to a theater near you: SMURFS.

That's right folks, they did it. They made a friggin' SMURFS movie. Two hours worth of what was a barely plausible 30 minute cartoon (based on a series of books, I might add). Actors include Hank Azaria, and Pee Wee Herman. What, were they desperate for money too??

I predict this movie will BOMB BOMB BOMB! I'm sorry, no one wants to see computer-animated smurfs.

I am drawing the line in the sand. Come up with new stuff, quit stealing all that was cute and fuzzy and making it bastardized. I know what will be next. They will take the Shirt Tales and screw THEM up. You watch. Or the Snorks? Sure, why not. I friggin DARE you.

Drawing the line in the sand
Scratch

1 comment:

  1. Shhh! Don't give 'em any ideas!

    According to Wikipedia, Blueberry Muffin was a girl but it's Wikipedia. You have to take that info with a Morton's box.

    The newer Holly Hobby was supposed to be related to the original somehow; either this new girl was a neice or granddaughter or something to that effect. I read the story on the back of one of the boxes but I didn't commit the thing to memory, so I may be wrong.

    Thundercats is getting another show on Cartoon Network this fall, if I remember correctly and there will be a new Voltron series hitting Nicktoons. Pound Puppies have been re-released a couple of times and Rainbow Brite made a reappearnce a few years ago. He-Man got rebooted earlier this century and I've lost count of how many times Transformers has gotten a reboot. The same with GI Joe.

    In some cases, I can enjoy the reboot. I love the hell out of the Transformers movie universe. (Bumblebee's just freaking adorable as a Camaro! I'll explain it all later.) But others I have to wonder why in the hell they even bothered. I have no desire to see a live action Smurfs movie. And Katy Perry as Smurfette? Yeah, smurf that pile of smurf.

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