It began innocently enough. The hand-lettered sign repeated all over campus, next to drink machines and trash cans: "SAVE THE EARTH! SAVE YOUR TABS! Proceeds go to the Ronald McDonald's charities." You've probably seen these, where so many soft drink can tabs equals so much. You may have even donated a few. Dent and I realized how many canned drinks we were drinking, and decided to save all our tabs. At first it was fairly easy to keep up with. After about a month or so I was taking to the school a sandwich bag full of little silvery soda can tabs. This continued for a while....now it's just annoying.
Regardless of where we are, or what we're drinking, Dent'll snap off the ring right after he opens the can. This makes it uncomfortable to try to drink from, but he can't seem to help himself. "I don't even realize I'm doing it," he says.
Now I'm finding the damn things all over the house. On the counters in the kitchen. In the floorboards of my car. In the bathroom. Yes, you read that correctly folks. IN THE FRIGGIN BATHROOM. Under my *bed*. (what, are the mice saving the can tabs, too?)
It's an addiction. A habit that badly needs breaking.
As I vaccuum up my twentieth soda can tab, I ponder, 'Is it bad that I don't want to save tabs any more? THINK OF THE CHILDREN.' You kinda feel guilty about these things, when it involves children. But children don't live with Dent, who has can tabs stuck inside books, in the glove box of his truck, and in his shoes.
Quite frankly, I'm tabbed out.
I can imagine the jury now: "Your honor, we find Scratch not quilty of murder by reason of temporary insanity.... Our decision was based on the fact she's wearing can tab earrings, and she's mumbling 'clink! clink! clink go the little silver tabs!'. " It all sounds so...Edgar Allen Poe-ish. "HERE! HERE! TEAR UP THE BOARDS! 'TIS THE CLINKING OF THE HIDSOUS TABS!"
Tabbing this entry for later,